About

The Story

Ryan grew up in the sun and surf of Ventura, Ca. He is the oldest of four children. His family was an incredible influence on his creativity and always encouraged him in his musical pursuits. Ryan began writing songs around age four, with hits like “I see the uptown, I see the downtown” and “whales’ day whales’ day, whales’ day, sharks’ day shark’s day shark’s day.” It wasn’t until later He learned that songs could have more lyrics than contained in the title.

Ryan began taking guitar lessons around age ten, and fell in love with music. “I remember watching my dad singing and playing piano and wondering ‘how does he know what to play with what he is singing? It’s like magic!” Ryan remembers. “I definitely wanted to know how to just create songs out of thin air like that.”

Ryan began playing in his church youth group at age 13 and leading at 15. “I had incredible mentors who encouraged me both musically and spiritually and enabled me to rise up to the level I have today,” Ryan says. “It’s one thing to write songs and play by yourself, but it’s a whole other level to integrate your sound in with a band and adapt to other musicians. You have to put in the hours woodshedding, rehearsing, and annoying everyone around you…If you aren’t doing that then you aren’t practicing enough!”

Ryan continued guitar lessons, combined with high school choir and eventually theory and ear training classes in college.

During his junior and senior year of high school, Ryan played in several local punk and post-hardcore bands. “While mic tricks, cut off sleeves, and black hair was fun, I realized I needed to stop screaming if I wanted to get serious about singing,” Ryan jokes. “Besides, I am too clean cut to be taken seriously in that genre…though I still enjoy math-rock, breakdowns, and dueling guitars.”

During college, Ryan started writing, recording, and leading worship music with several of his friends. This group, called “Through the Roof” played various churches and camps around California and later Seattle when the grouped moved to finish college at SPU. “The name was taken from the story about the man who was lowered through the roof to see Jesus. It meant  that no matter who we are, we all end up at the feet of Jesus…though now as I look back it sounds like we were a cheesy party band who opened for nu-metal acts.” Ryan admits. ” We live and learn!”

“My Seattle years were a blast, and really helped shape my character, creativity, and worship leading.  As roommates we converted the basement of our university owned house’s basement into a recording studio. That’s where I really began finding the confidence to take what God was teaching me and showing me and craft it into lyrics and songs for God’s people to sing.”

Originally a music major, Ryan switched and finished his degree in Marketing and Management. “I was studying, writing, and playing so much on my own that school was draining my joy and time for music. As I was auditioning for music scholarships my junior year, I had to decide if I was willing to give up jamming and worshiping with my best friends to play with  groups who I didn’t share life with.  I decided I had enough drive to continue to grow in music, so I switched my major to business; a degree which would help me to market my own material in the future.”

After college, Ryan moved to Arizona to become one of the worship leaders and the college director at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship in Chandler, Az. He married his long time girlfriend, Danielle, in 2007.

Ryan combines honest lyrics, catchy melodies, and eclectic instrumentation to create into his own special blend of rock/pop. If you listen closely, you may the influences of his favorite band, Steely Dan.

He continues to lead worship at Cornerstone and various camps, conferences, and events. His passion for mission trips takes him all over the world. “I love worshiping with my local church. They are my family. As much as I love to write and record and travel, I hope to always lead in some capacity with my local church.”

This Valley

On April 1, 2009, Ryan and Danielle found out they were pregnant with their first child. It was a moment of amazing joy and incredible excitement. They desperately wanted to be parents and now had their chance.

During their first couple of visits to the doctor’s office, the doctor discovered the baby had a cystic hygroma and showed telltale signs of Turners’ Syndrome. This news was like a slap to the face…The doctor told Ryan and Danielle that their chances of going full term were very slim, and if they went full term the chances of having a mentally disabled child were very high.

“Up until then we had never imagined our children would have complications, and I realized on my own I didn’t have what it would take to raise a child with special needs,” Ryan admits. “In this moment of humanity I wrestled with feelings of anger and self-pity. What did I do to deserve this? Why wasn’t our faithfulness rewarded? If I was completely honest with myself, I felt I was ‘owed’ more, though it pains me to admit it.”

The next doctor’s visit revealed that their child suffered from Hydrops, a deadly disorder where the body stores liquids in all the wrong places like the brain, lungs, and stomach. The Axtell’s were told they could lose their child any day and that the probability of death was over 99%.

“In that moment I realized I had nothing to fall back on. My talent, savings, and other safety nets couldn’t catch me. I was completely unable to fix the problem at hand, and if our baby did make it full term, I did not have the ability to raise a child with such special needs. I had no control over the outcome, no matter how hard I tried.”

Ryan began journaling and writing out his fears, frustrations, and revelations. He struggled through patches of anger, guilt, apathy, and faithlessness. “As a worship leader, I had to take a step back and see if I really believed everything I sang and said from stage. Is God always faithful? Was my faith directly proportional to my circumstances, or could I remain faithful even in the valley of the shadow of death?”

“As I prayed and meditated, God began revealing Himself to me. At times His presence was so apparent it would bring me to my knees. I began to realize the truth that God is with us in the Valley, though it doesn’t mean we get what we want in the end. God delivered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the furnace, yet Stephen was stoned to death. In that moment, I came to the conclusion that I had to let go of the situation. It was beyond my control and in God’s hands. I had to find my strength in the fact that I was not alone. God was right by my side: Emmanuel.”

Be still. Know He is God.

At week 26, Danielle had to be induced to deliver her stillborn baby. Ryan and Danielle were blessed to be able to hold Micaela Grace and see the recognizable features and likeness. “It was extremely hard coming home from the hospital without our daughter,” Ryan reflects. “It was even more difficult to sign the death certificate and receive the ashes several weeks later. At times it felt like a nightmare. “

“Through those 26 weeks, my faith grew tremendously. In my desperation I was forced to fully lean on Jesus. Though tears stained my face for many weeks to come, I took refuge in Emmanuel who was with me in the fire and the fight, regardless of the outcome.”

This Valley is a collection of songs adapted from Ryan’s prayer journal and the conversations He had with God during those 26 weeks. “God spoke to me in my darkest hour, and He will do the same for you, but you must strip your faith of contingencies and conditions and open your eyes and ears to His prompting. When we find ourselves stranded in the valley, we must realize we stand on the pinnacle of God’s faithfulness.”